The DMV

Singapore so different a place from anywhere I have ever lived. I do not consider myself a world traveler or anything, but I think it is safe to say most experiences we've had here confound every expectation. Except the DMV. They don't call it that here, of course...the name they use is something like Bureau for Automobile Driving, Testing and Ball Busting.

If one plans to stay in Singapore more than one year, one must get a Singapore Driving License. If one knows how to drive, and carries a valid foreign license, then one must just take a test of the convoluted, misguided and tedious laws of the road here. The book of rules is quite long, and it behooves the foreigner to study, since anything below a 90% is failing. Pshaw. How hard can it be?

I bought the book. I read up on rules, regulations, quirks and subtle nuances. I memorized the different markings on the road, which are - no lie - Zebra Stripes, Dotted Lines, Solid Zigzags, Broken Zigzags, Black Zigzags, Yellow Zigzags, Yellow Crosshatching and Yellow X's. I told John I was ready. He smiled knowingly, and said it was not that simple. He gave me a number and a password and asked me to top up his account when I got to the DMV, chuckled to himself, and sent me on my way.

Tossed me to the wolves was more like it. I went upstairs to the license area. I took a number and sat on a chair, watching the all-too-familiar, apparently world-wide system of calling alpha numeric numbers in random order. When I got up to the counter with my form, I was told I was in the wrong place. I was sent downstairs to the information desk.

At the information desk I was told to go to a computer screen, put in my green card number and 'particulars' and wait to be called. I was then led into an office where I was told to set up my account password, go outside to yet another computer, pay, "rest" for 10 minutes, then come back. The cost was $11.35. $6 for the test, and $5.35 for the account. If I waited too long to take the test, they would charge a maintenance fee, and I would need to 'top up' (aha). I paid and rested. After the rest period, I got my account login, and was told to go to yet another computer, and book a time for the test. The test times were all taken. What did I expect, I was asked. "It is so late in the month!" (the 8th!) I looked at March. Taken. April....blocked out. I found a DMV rep. "Too far in advance!" she told me; "Tests can't be booked more than 6 weeks out." I am sure I detected an eye roll from the one cheeky Singaporean I have met since I got here.

The good news is I can book my test online. The bad news is I have to head back to the DMV to take it. The good news is the cheeky girl told me she was headed to New York City in March and had seen on the weather history it was usually around 30 degrees, so she figured it was just like Singapore, which I thought was very funny. The bad news is my conscience prevented me from withholding the fact that the weather in the US is reported in Fahrenheit....

It seems that the cost of the test is another 50 bucks, and if I pass, the cost of the license is yet another 50. If I wait too long, I have to head back in, pay the account maintenance fee, and start the whole process over again. There was comfort in this system though. Believe it or not, it felt just like home.